He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
