remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I can't turn off my feet"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
