I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
