so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Did you just see the Batmobile???
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Randomize
