Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
