if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
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He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
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Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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