Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
