Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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