Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Boobs are out for the taking
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
