Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
