Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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