so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Drunk is not a location!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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