you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
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