After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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