I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Randomize