You're completely useless in the revolution.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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