just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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