Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
