sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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