do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
