how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
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Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
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do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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