shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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