All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
