he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We left an ass print on the piano.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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