and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We had sex on a dog bed..
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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