You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
