Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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