Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
