Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
