Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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