i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
