A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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