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Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
