You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
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I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
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As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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