DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
