Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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