lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
