Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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