38 yer olds are good kisserssss
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
