someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
