I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
