Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
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Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
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I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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