you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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