I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
bring money and cleavage
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
