when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
