Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If I die, sorry about rent.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
