Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to make out with him forever
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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