This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
