hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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