his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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