Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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