Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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