and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
