How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
