At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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