don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
