My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
