Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
