someone owes me an orgasm
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
