I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
