it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
