remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
