This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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