she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
