I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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