Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
