just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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