Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
