it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
