i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
