Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
