i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
