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i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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