I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
How's work?
Spinning.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
