Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
