I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
