He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
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i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
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I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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