May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
