quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
