I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
