Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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