do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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